Did you learn the facts of life from your parents or did you learn them from someone outside of the home? If you are like most parents, you probably learned most of what you know from someone other than your parents. Your information may have come from a class or from something you read about or from the media or perhaps from your friends. If this is true, then the thought of teaching your children about their bodies as they grow into adults may be even more stressful. Take a breath and relax. We have several tips and a wonderful three step approach that will help you become confident in your abilities to take on this education about puberty and sexuality.

There are four general guidelines that will help you know when and how to approach human sexuality education. These guidelines come from a document written by the Pontifical Council on the Family entitled The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality.

Guideline No. 1 – Understand that each child is unique and unrepeatable and is entitled to receive information about human sexuality in a manner that respects this uniqueness.

Guideline No. 2 – Every talk about human sexuality must include the moral dimension. This means that everything you teach should be in the context of God’s plan for love and life. Children must be taught that sexuality is very good when it follows what God desires and that sexuality can be harmful when it does not follow Him.

Guideline No. 3 – Connect human sexuality with holiness. The Catholic Church teaches that God is love and that love is the natural end of human sexuality. More precisely, sexuality is about giving and receiving love as either a male or a female. If God is love and sexuality is about love, than sexuality has the ability to lead us to the source of all love – who is God.

Guideline No. 4 – Information about human sexuality must be provided with great delicacy but clearly at the appropriate time. Parents have to pay attention to how their children are maturing so that they can time conversations when they are truly needed. Giving information away too early is counterproductive and waiting too long is irresponsible.

Now that you have the general guidelines, let’s take a look at a simple three step approach that will give you the practical steps to follow when sharing the facts of life. This is called the stair step approach.

1. The first step is to teach your child about the physical changes that will happen as a result of puberty. They need to know that their bodies will change shape and that they will need to pay more attention to their daily hygiene. Girls will need information about the menstrual cycle and boys will need information about nocturnal emissions which are also called wet dreams.
2. The second step is to explain that the physical changes that occur result in the gift of fertility which is the ability to create new life. A girl becomes fertile about 10 days before she has her first menstrual period and a boy becomes fertile with evidence of sperm production which is typically confirmed when he has a nocturnal emission. Parents have an obligation to teach their children that both the menstrual cycle and ejaculations are part of God’s plan. Even though cycling and wet dreams come with some embarrassment, they are necessary and healthy. Neither indicates that the child has a disease or has done anything wrong. Rather both are signs of a gift that comes with great responsibility. You must do all you can to frame the gift of fertility in the light of goodness.
3. The final step is to explain the intimate details of sexual intercourse. This explanation is very important to the proper understanding of the gift of fertility. (See more information at O – One Flesh Union.)

The stair step approach is designed to keep your conversations simple by dividing what you have to share into three parts. The information in each part is meant to take place when the child is ready. You should plan on sharing the information over the course of several conversations rather than in three big talks.