The Dimensions of Maturity
I’m sure that you know that your child’s physical development and their level of maturity are not on the same track. Just because children grow physically does not guarantee that they are becoming more mature.
Your child is an integration of a body and soul. Because the soul animates the physical body, you need to attend to what is happening inside your child. This means helping your child develop personally, socially, emotionally and spiritually. Unlike physical development, personal, social, emotional and spiritual maturity is not automatic. It requires planning, self-discipline and effort on the part of the young person and tremendous observation and guidance by you, the parent.
Physical Maturity is about more than just “growing up.” It means adopting the correct attitude toward the body – that the body is good but that being human also means having a spirit. This attitude puts health, fitness, and sexuality into their proper context.
Personal maturity is an awareness of who you are, created in the image of God, and the acceptance of that awareness. In other words, personal maturity is the ability to identify one’s uniqueness and find it to be worthy and deserving of love. This is sometimes referred to as self-worth, the truth that each human being is a person deserving of love rather than a thing for someone to use. A person who is personally mature embraces love as unconditional. They know they are loved no matter what.
Self-worth is different from self-esteem, which values what a person does more than who a person is. Self-esteem is based on one’s actions rather than on one’s inherent value. Because actions can be either good or bad, self-esteem allows for the loss of love when actions are not to one’s liking. Self-esteem leads to love as conditional – being loved only when a person meets a certain standard or grade.
The third internal dimension of a child is social maturity. Social maturity has to do with the ability to recognize the dignity of others and show respect. Young people are considered socially mature when they can respond in charity in all situations and never use anyone as a thing. This is a big challenge during the teen years because there are so many temptations to use others in order to gain social status, or material goods, or self-affirmation, or pleasure.
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The next component of maturity is emotional maturity. Emotions are what incline us to act or not to act in regard to something perceived or imagined to be either good or evil. They are the connection between what we sense and how we reason. Emotions themselves are neither good nor bad, nor are they decisive and precise. In other words, emotions that feel good do not always lead to what is good and emotions that feel bad do not always lead to what is bad. Emotions are meant to get us to think before we act.
As children grow into adulthood and pass through puberty, emotions are often magnified. When emotions begin to confuse a youth about what is good, there is an immediate to teach your child to STOP and THINK before they ACT on their emotions. This is known as self-discipline.
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The fourth dimension of maturity is intellectual maturity. Intellectual maturity isn’t exactly the same as intelligence or success in school (though it is related to these). Intellectual maturity means coming to appreciate and strive for what is true, good, and beautiful. It includes learning to respect the truth and to seek it. It also includes forming one’s conscience to always embrace what is right and good. And it includes appreciating beauty as a sign of the Creator.
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The final dimension of your child’s interior is spiritual maturity. You will know that your child is becoming spiritually mature when you see evidence of daily faith practices that lead to a deeper relationship with God. An adult relationship with Jesus is marked by religious observances and duties – celebrating the Sacraments, going to Mass, establishing habits of daily prayer, serving others . . . If you really want your child to be spiritually mature, you will intentionally show how you joyfully practice the faith in these ways.