There are many standards that we commonly expect of our children. We expect them to get up on time, to eat breakfast, maybe to clear their breakfast dishes, to brush their teeth, and to get out the door on time. We expect them to come home and do their homework (before video games, right?), to help with chores, and to spend time with the family. We expect them to practice personal hygiene and to get to bed at a reasonable time. And all of these expectations are good! Not only do they help the family run more smoothly, they can teach our children self-discipline and self-respect – and they can play an important role in establishing good and healthy habits for the future.

All these expectations flow naturally out of the structure of the daily routine. They are easy for us to set. But they are not enough. We should also put some thought into expectations for our children that don’t come quite so naturally from our daily routine; expectations that influence the development of our children’s character.

What is Character?

Character is the part of our personality that is most in our control. While temperament is our inherited, biologically grounded emotional makeup, character is made up of our moral choices and the virtues and vices that they form. Temperamentally, we may be high or low energy, quick or slow tempered. But our character determines if our high energy means that we’re friendly, helpful and productive or if we’re restless, self-indulgent, or mean. Character can determine if our low energy means peacefulness and mindfulness, or if it means laziness and sullenness. And our character is shaped by what we continually choose to do.

How Parents Shape the Character of Their Children

Ultimately the character formed in a child will be determined by his or her own choices. But parents can have a powerful influence on what a child choose and how his or her character will develop.

First, character is developed primarily through habits. Habits established in childhood lay the groundwork for habits as adults. Think about your own life – do you have any good habits that you started when you were a child? You may even be able to think of a habit or two that you have today because your parents encouraged it in you at a young age. On the other hand, you may also have good habits that you struggle to develop because you never got the hang of it as a child. Parents who encourage good habits – and especially moral virtue – in their children make these habits easier to grow when their children choose them in adulthood.

Second, parents can show their child how attractive a good character is. On one hand, children have a natural attraction to good character. Most superheroes are more than just a superpower. They also have outstanding character – a strong sense of justice, a strong sense of mercy, concern for protecting the innocent. An outstanding character is extremely appealing. That is why parents must strive to show children what a good character looks like in real life – and explain why it’s so attractive.

Finally, parents have the privilege and the duty to identify and call out the strengths of their children. We mentioned how our temperaments can be shaped in good ways or in bad. Parents have the opportunity to help their children shape their temperament toward the good.

No matter what time of year or what stage of life your and your children are in, each day is filled with potential and promise. Any age or stage of life is a perfect time to look for the potential and promise in a person and to nudge them toward the goodness that we know God wants for them.