This means you demand very little from your children. Children raised by permissive parents tend to be immature, manipulative, and selfish. But this also means that you offer your children plenty of attention, love, affirmation and freedom. That’s a good thing! It’s half of the equation. But it may also mean that your parenting style reflects a desire to take the path of least resistance, to avoid conflict, and to approach your children as a friend rather than as an authority. The problem is that you don’t set high expectations for your children that help them develop their character and become the person God wants them to be. In contrast to the permissive parenting style, the authoritative parenting style gives a child both high expectations and a high level of response from the parent.

Research shows that an authoritative parenting style provides the best outcomes for children. As Catholics we recognize that this parenting style most closely reflects the way God exercises authority. Our Heavenly Father sets some pretty high expectations for us. Jesus tells us to “be perfect even as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” Yet, these expectations are balanced by the presence of the Holy Spirit, who gives us constant help through grace. God also makes it clear that He loves us always and unconditionally, even when we struggle to live up to His expectations.

So you’re doing a good thing by showing your children that you love and affirm them. You’re teaching your children that your love for them is unconditional. You’re showing them that their choices and behavior does not change their self-worth. They are always children of God. They are always loved.

Now challenge yourself to match your love and affirmation with high expectations. Below you will see your answer to each of the scenarios presented in the quiz, along with some feedback on your answer. Spend some time reflecting on this feedback and then look at the information below to learn more about how to transform your parenting style from permissive to authoritative.

Why does authoritative parenting provide the best child outcomes?

• When a child perceives his parents as reasonable and fair, they are more likely to do what they are asked.
• When a child’s parents provide sound reasons and explanations the child is more likely to internalize what is right and focus on what is right and good.
• When a child is listened to by her parents, she develops a stronger sense of self-worth and self-respect.

Increasing Expectations

Here are some ways to increase your expectations for your children without becoming a tyrant. Approach these expectations with the love and affirmation you’re already showing your children:

1. Lay boundaries that protect your children’s safety first.
2. Consider what virtues your children could grow in. What virtues would make them better people? Create expectations that help your children form and practice 1-3 of those virtues.