This means that you recognize that both you and your child have rights and needs that need to be balanced. You are most likely to direct your child through rules and clear explanations. Children raised by authoritative parents tend to be assertive, cooperative and friendly.

Research shows that an authoritative parenting style provides the best outcomes for children. As Catholics we recognize that this parenting style most closely reflects the way God exercises authority. Our Heavenly Father sets some pretty high expectations for us. Jesus tells us to “be perfect even as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” Yet, these expectations are balanced by the presence of the Holy Spirit, who gives us constant help through grace. God also makes it clear that He loves us always and unconditionally, even when we struggle to live up to His expectations.

So you’re doing a great thing by reflecting this same combination of high expectations and high levels of presence in your parenting style. You’re teaching your children that you expect great things from them. You expect them to pursue goodness. And also that you love them, support them and will guide them.

Take some time to reflect on the results listed below. What are some ways you might make your parenting style even more firmly authoritative?

Why does authoritative parenting provide the best child outcomes?

• When a child perceives his parents as reasonable and fair, they are more likely to do what they are asked.
• When a child’s parents provide sound reasons and explanations the child is more likely to internalize what is right and focus on what is right and good.
• When a child is listened to by her parents, she develops a stronger sense of self-worth and self-respect.

How can you become a more authoritative parent?

1. Tell your children that you love them daily.
2. Provide high expectations for your child’s behavior and clearly communicate them.
3. Match those expectations with love, support, affirmation and with your presence.
4. Give logical, proportionate consequences when the child fails to meet the expectations you set. The best consequences teach the child how to meet the expectations.
5. Stay in control of your own emotions when you give consequences.
6. Listen to your children. Hear what they say – even if you don’t agree with what they say.
7. Practice what you preach. Walk the walk you expect your children to walk. Be the primary educator for your children.
8. Accept the unique temperament of each child and work with it rather than against it.
9. Understand that a child’s abilities and limitations change as they grow and mature.
10. Know the difference between behaviors that are single events and those that show a pattern. Discipline accordingly.