This means you attempt to control your child’s behavior relying on punishment like spanking or other physical measures. Children raised by authoritarian parents tend to be withdrawn, unmotivated and unsure. But this also means that you set high expectations for your children’s behavior, which is a good thing! It’s half of the equation. But it may also mean that the focus of your parenting may be on things like obedience, respect and control rather than on helping your children form their character and become the person God wants them to be. In contrast to the authoritarian parenting style, the authoritative parenting style gives a child both high expectations and a high level of response from the parent.

Research shows that an authoritative parenting style provides the best outcomes for children. As Catholics we recognize that this parenting style most closely reflects the way God exercises authority. Our Heavenly Father sets some pretty high expectations for us. Jesus tells us to “be perfect even as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” Yet, these expectations are balanced by the presence of the Holy Spirit, who gives us constant help through grace. God also makes it clear that He loves us always and unconditionally, even when we struggle to live up to His expectations.

So you’re doing a good thing by setting high expectations for your children. You’re teaching your children that you expect great things from them. You expect them to pursue goodness.

Now challenge yourself to match those high expectations with personal responsiveness. Below you will see your answer to each of the scenarios presented in the quiz, along with some feedback on your answer. Spend some time reflecting on this feedback and then look at the information below to learn more about how to transform your parenting style from authoritarian to authoritative.

Why does authoritative parenting provide the best child outcomes?

• When a child perceives his parents as reasonable and fair, they are more likely to do what they are asked.
• When a child’s parents provide sound reasons and explanations the child is more likely to internalize what is right and focus on what is right and good.
• When a child is listened to by her parents, she develops a stronger sense of self-worth and self-respect.

Increasing Responsiveness

Here are some ways to increase your responsiveness to your children in order to balance the high expectations you’ve already set:

1. Tell your children that you love them daily.
2. Clearly communicate your expectations to your children.
3. Match those expectations with love, support, affirmation and with your presence.
4. Give logical, proportionate consequences when the child fails to meet the expectations you set. The best consequences teach the child how to meet the expectations.
5. Stay in control of your own emotions when you give consequences.
6. Listen to your children. Hear what they say – even if you don’t agree with what they say.
7. Practice what you preach. Walk the walk you expect your children to walk. Be the primary educator for your children.
8. Accept the unique temperament of each child and work with it rather than against it.
9. Understand that a child’s abilities and limitations change as they grow and mature.
10. Know the difference between behaviors that are single events and those that show a pattern. Discipline accordingly.