One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the ability to be heard because children in the throes of puberty have minds that are actively changing. These kids really need to have someone listen to them – someone who will help them sort through their thoughts and feelings. As the parent, you are best suited to be that person. So let’s take a look at how you can sharpen your ability to be a great listener.

Step 1: Learning to listen begins with a decision to stop all that you are doing and give your full attention to what is going to be said. The decision should include the understanding that the only thing required of you in the conversation is to receive the information. When you decide to listen you are thinking, “listen – JUST listen”.

Step 2: The second step in real listening is to show that you are listening. This includes eye contact, or an occasional nod and adding statements like “I understand”, “Yes, go on”. “I see” or “I didn’t know that”. These small gestures visibly reassure your child that you are “all there” for them. And, these small gestures help you to remain fully present as well.

Step 3: The next step is to focus on the issue in such a way that helps your child go into more detail. This means asking open ended questions to help him consider what he just said in more depth.

Step 4: The final step is to comment as needed. Commenting is not always needed when you are listening – but sometimes you will need to comment because what you heard needs some correction or guidance.

Here is one last consideration to keep in mind. There are going to be many situations when your child may just need to be heard and a comment is not needed. They just want you to know what they are thinking. They do not want you to “fix” them or the situation. Rather they just want you to reassure them and demonstrate love.