Parents who have been honoring God’s plan for love and life and responsible parenthood up to this point will find the task of serving life in the pre-teen years much easier. Because they have lived marital chastity during the early family years, they will have a firm foundation of knowledge and wisdom in the matters of love, life and sexuality. Their participation in the deep mystery of God’s plan for human bonding and its fruitfulness will guide them as they gradually unfold information about sexuality and marital love to their children.

It is the parent’s duty to help their children know the mysteries of human life. No one can deliver the information with as much impact as the parent – no one. Children will remember what the parent has to say more than they will heed any other person’s ideas. This is critical to understand – whatever you say about sexuality and marital love will leave a lasting mark on your child. Whether it is the richness of the truth or some cheap counterfeit notion of love what you say will leave a lasting impression. We implore you to do you homework on this topic and search for what is truthful and beautiful. Settle for nothing less than the best!

The Office of Family Life for the Diocese of La Crosse has developed a three presentation series on parenting, human sexuality and chastity called Teaching the Way of Love. Attending these presentations is a wonderful way to learn more about the Catholic Church Teachings on love and life and prepare yourself to share this intimate information with your children. Here is a brief description of each presentation.

Embrace Parenthood Foundations of Catholic Parenting

Embrace Parenthood teaches the eight foundations of good Catholic parenting. It is intended for all parents, but especially for parents of younger children. Putting these eight principles into practice early in your child’s life will lay a solid foundation on which to build when your child is older.

You’ll learn . . .

• What parental authority is and how it reflects the authority that Jesus has over His Church.
• What it means to be a Catholic family – what is its mission?
• How to live the central mission of the family – leading each other to love.
• How to parent the heart rather than just behavior – helping your children become better people.
• Why setting high expectations of behavior is one of the most loving things you can do for your children.
• How to create an environment of the “domestic Church” to foster faith in your children.
• How to lay the foundation for a healthy and morally excellent vision of sexuality.
• Why protecting children’s innocence while they’re young nurtures trust in God as they grow older (and how to protect their innocence).
• How imitating the Holy Family can teach you how to handle family conflict.
• What it means to journey with your children and why staying involved as you children grow is so important.

Growing in Love – Guiding Your Child Through Puberty Toward Fertility Appreciation

Growing in the Way of Love empowers parents to guide their children through puberty to adulthood. It covers how to help children navigate the physical changes that come with puberty and how to discuss fertility appreciation. But it also teaches you how to guide your child to maturity emotionally, socially, and in other areas of life as well.

You’ll learn . . .

• The importance of keeping any discussion about sexuality simple (and how to do that).
• How to listen so your children will talk to you, and how to talk so your children will listen to you.
• Why maturity is more than a physical process, and why it needs your attention.
• How to get over your discomfort and share with your children the true meaning of sexual love.
• How to continue creating a family environment that fosters faith and brings out the best in your children.
• What you need to know about puberty and adolescent development in order to grow in parenting wisdom.

 

Bodies and Boundaries Facing the Adult World, Discerning Their Vocation

Bodies & Boundaries empowers parents to become the primary educators of their adolescent children, especially in the areas of chastity and vocational discernment. It covers how to talk to your child about sexuality as God intended it and the various ways that it can be disordered. You will also learn how to talk with your child about discerning God’s will for them and other important topics that prepare them to be an adult. Notice the emphasis of this step is on talking with your child. Each “Make a Plan” section of this workbook has a discussion sheet for the parent and another for the child. The goal after each segment is for parents to have a discussion with their teenager and to guide them through dialogue.

You’ll learn . . .

• How to teach your child to focus on building healthy, loving relationships before getting swept up in romance.
• How to lay a firm foundation of self-worth and self-concept from which your child’s self-esteem can blossom.
• How to talk to your children about sexuality and love based on solid Catholic teaching on the theology of the body.
• How to talk to your child about marriage so they will come to see its value and beauty in the midst of a jaded culture.
• How to talk with your child about the “hot” moral issues that our culture seems to be actively fighting against in ways that they can understand and accept (we’ll give you a “litmus test” with which to judge whether or not any sexual act is in line with God’s plan for love and life).
• How to help your child begin to discern their vocation, and how to help them start serving the Kingdom of God immediately rather than waiting to “know” where God is calling them.
• What to do when (not if) your child makes bad moral choices.
• How to keep the zeal of parenting as your child grows older and become more independent.

All three of these programs are available in the From the Abbey bookstore at an unbelievably low price.

Some Guiding Principles to Put Into Practice Today

Meanwhile, there are many guiding principles that will assist you in sharing the beauty of God’s plan for love and life. Let’s look at several.

• Individualize Your Instruction. Each child is unique and unrepeatable. No one knows and understands that more than you as the parent. Therefore, personalize your dialogue about love and life. While it is true that the parent of the same sex is best suited to deliver this information, either parent can speak the truth. However, if the information is shared with a child of the opposite sex, more sensitivity will be needed.
• Include the Moral Dimension. Sexuality involves so much more than just the physical part of the person. Therefore, when the time is right for these discussions, make chastity a key part of the teaching. (Jeff, we will link this to a document on chastity.) Add information about the sexual discipline, moderation and modesty. Work towards warming your child’s heart to God’s loving plan rather than scaring them into right action.
• Be timely. Each child matures at a different time. Thus, be very attentive about when to begin your conversations about sexuality, love and life. In most cases, the child will give you clear indication that they are thinking about these matters. Some will ask questions. Many will experience physical signs that alert you to begin. And still others will become quiet and introspective. You will need to be attentive, available and approachable.
• One Step at a Time. Sharing information about sexuality, love and life will take several conversations over several years. Be gradual. In most situations it works well to begin with discussions about the physical body and how it is changing. Ensure that your child understands how his body will change from a child’s form to that of an adult. Patiently explain the need for increased hygiene and monitor him as he works to be consistent in the correct care of his growing body. The next step is to explain that God gives the gift of fertility to adults. This means that with the growth and development process, your child will experience signs of fertility (menstrual cycling in girls and nocturnal emissions in boys). Speak of fertility as normal and as a gift to be respected and cherished. Finally, share how God created man and woman to marry and create new life through the conjugal act. Affirm that sexual love is a right and good of marriage – not a recreational activity for any physically mature person.
• Continue the Discussion. All of the steps above just set the stage for your child. He will continue to need your guidance and wisdom through the remainder of his young adult years and even as he finds and lives his vocation. It is a myth to think that your job of serving life is ever complete. So, embrace this role and enjoy the journey.