The first task of your family is to become a community of persons. With the birth of your child you have gone from a couple to a family. Even though this is a small community (and hopefully one that will grow) it is a unique and important one.

There are three main objectives that parents can do when starting out to ensure that their community of persons thrives.

Keep your Marriage Strong

Babies have a way of becoming the center of everything. While this might seem necessary for the first few weeks or months, in the long run, the baby needs to take second seat to the health and well-being of the parent’s marriage.

The marriage that you share is the foundation of your family. The better the marriage, the better the family! The quality of your marriage is the deciding factor on the true well-being of your child. The research on this is very clear; children raised in a family by their biologically, married parents outperform other children in virtually every category of health and well-being. From economic security to emotional adjustment, marriage and the traditional family provide a level of protection and security that is unmatched by any other family configuration.

What does this mean? Recommit to your marriage bond by setting time aside to nurture your love. This can happen in a myriad of ways.

1. set aside an evening a week to get a babysitter so you can go out on a date
2. put the children to bed early and enjoy a candle-lit dinner at home while they sleep
3. set your alarm and get up early to enjoy coffee and conversation
4. take up a hobby together
5. check out what your diocese has to offer for marriage enrichment. Click here to go to the Diocese of LaCrosse marriage enrichment page.

Bottom line: commit to putting as much time into the well-being of your marriage as you do your children.

Be Primary Educators

Here is some good and bad news about raising children. Kids are like sponges. They absorb everything that comes their way. No matter what they are exposed to, they will sop it up. That is why God gives children parents to help them learn what to take in and what to reject. In fact, God has a special title that he gives all parents. He wants you to be called primary educators. Primary educators have three essential jobs.

• Set standards and expectations for their children
• Develop the strongest relationship with the children
• Teach the children about God’s goodness and love.

What you do and how you do it will be the first and most important information your child will absorb. Therefore, choose to model well. Here are a few quick tips on how to be a loving role model.

• Show your love by your actions, not just words
• Establish family rituals of togetherness
• Spend solo time with each child
• Enjoy your children – laugh and play with them.

Communicate Positively

Parenting can create tension in the family. From disagreements about whose job something is to misunderstandings about how to put a child to sleep – childrearing can build a wall between parents.

That’s why parents need to communicate positively during the child bearing and child rearing years. Parents need the ability to face as well as solve conflicts in their lives. Conflict resolution skills are paramount to a family’s ability to thrive. Specifically, parents have to know how to approach each disagreement in a timely and effective manner. Here are some communication basics to implement as soon as possible.

• When something bothers you, speak up rather than let the issue ride
• When you have a conflict, try to see it from the other person’s point of view
• Resist pushing the other person’s ‘hot buttons.’
• Use I statements to explain your point of view
• Listen to what the other is saying and then repeat what you heard back to them.
• Work towards a mutually agreed upon solution – even if this takes a while.
• Remember the principle of HALTS. When a person is Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Sick, it is not a good time to hold a discussion.